Valiant Living Podcast
Welcome to the Valiant Living Podcast where we educate, encourage, and empower you towards a life of peace and freedom.
Valiant Living has been restoring lives and families since 2017 by providing multiple levels of care for men and their families. Fully accredited by The Joint Commission, Valiant Living has earned a national reputation as a premier treatment program, offering IOP, PHP, and recovery housing programs for men ages 26 and older. Founder and CEO MIchael Dinneen is a nationally recognized therapeutic expert, speaker, and thought leader in the behavioral health field.
On this podcast you’ll hear from the Valiant team as well as stories of alumni who are living in recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome addiction or trauma, please call us at (720)-756-7941 or email admissions@valiantliving.com We’d love to have a conversation with you!
Valiant Living Podcast
From Tennis Triumph to True Self: Glenn Hadley's Journey of Identity and Recovery
After years of immersing himself in the world of professional sports, Glenn Hadley had to face the truth about his identity beyond the tennis court. His journey from a chicken farm in East Texas to the highest levels of professional tennis is more than just a tale of athletic triumph; it's a story of personal growth and self-realization. Join us as Glenn shares the profound challenges that come with being defined by a single identity and the transformative power of understanding oneself beyond achievements and titles.
Glenn's story takes an intriguing turn as he shares insights from a retreat where participants let go of their professional identities to forge authentic connections. Inspired by Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Glenn explores the idea of honoring different facets of oneself, which allowed him to experience a newfound sense of freedom and self-acceptance. By acknowledging all parts of his identity, he discovered the importance of being present and the liberation that comes from genuine human interactions.
The episode concludes with an exploration of Glenn's path in recovery and self-discovery through frameworks like the 12-Step Fellowship and Alcoholics Anonymous. His journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, highlighting the shift from fear-driven living to intentional presence and contentment. Glenn’s involvement in a nonprofit promoting sobriety at raves further illustrates the power of community and support, offering a hopeful message for those on a similar path.
Well, hey everyone, welcome to the Valiant Living podcast, where we educate, encourage and empower you towards a life of peace and freedom. I'm your host, drew Powell, and I'm a grateful alumni of the Valiant Living program. Valiant Living offers hope and transformational change to men and their families struggling with addiction and mental health challenges. So on this podcast you'll hear from the Valiant team, as well as stories of alumni who are living in recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome addiction or trauma, please call us at 720-756-7941. Or you can email admissions at valiantlivingcom. We'd love to have a conversation with you, but for now let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 1:Tonight's an important night. I have Glenn Hadley here. Glenn, thanks for being here. Thank you, glenn's good friends with Michael Dineen, but also a brother in recovery, and I'd love to just kind of. Can we just dive into the deep end tonight? Okay, because I want to hear your story, because I think that's a big part of why we're here and a big part of your life, obviously. But I want to talk about identity. Tonight we started this a little bit in the alumni check-in.
Speaker 1:I don't know all of y'all's stories, especially in PHP, but I know for the guys that I was so I was here August 2022 for 90 days. I know for the guys that I was so I was here August 2022 for 90 days and for a lot of us, we don't get into these rooms without having some measure of success somewhere. Um, and our, our families, or a lot like one common denominator is externally, for a lot of us, things were going pretty well and internally, for a lot of us, they were going the opposite direction. Right and those, those roads are, and I'm making a lot of assumptions without knowing your story. What I love about Glenn is and I'll say this for you so you don't have to but Glenn been very accomplished in a lot of fields professional tennis player, businessman. I mean DJ, rave DJ, which I want to get into that a little bit, because I don't know how you go from tennis pro to you know turntables that's what I'm picturing you with like glow sticks and stuff Right A rave Lots of methamphetamine.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's how you do that.
Speaker 1:But you would look at Glenn and you know his power blazer and his whole deal and you'd be like this is a guy you know, but there's a deeper story to what you've experienced. So, glenn, thank you for being here and just kind of walk us through just how you grew up. You shared a little bit with the alumni. But let's dive into this identity thing and spend some time here, and then I want you guys to be thinking about some questions you can ask Glenn too. We'll talk for a few minutes, but then I really want you guys to kind of shape where this conversation goes.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, man, where'd you grow up? Tell us the early days? Um, so, so I grew up on a chicken farm in East Texas, okay, okay, and like and I'm not talking about like, just a, like you know, a few chickens. We had 64,000 chickens, and, um, and they would rotate through every nine weeks, and, and, um, it was, uh, it was pretty, uh, it was a rough way to grow up, right Like, you're out on this farm and all we did is work, and and so, to keep from just working, my dad put a tennis racket in my hand, and so I'd I'd be the kid that was out there, like you know, the racket's bigger than me and I'm hitting balls against the barn wall, you know, and, and my dad didn't seem to bother me with work whenever I was hitting balls against the barn wall, and and so I did that long enough and they introduced me to a tennis court, and pretty soon I was not too bad at that, you know.
Speaker 3:I think that if you do something obsessively as much as I did, like, you're going to be good at any of it.
Speaker 1:You know, it doesn't really matter what age was this that you started.
Speaker 3:You're pretty young. Yeah, I was like really, I don't really remember that young, but I guess the thing is I was pushed into this idea that I was supposed to be a professional athlete. I was supposed to be a professional tennis player. I was actually told by my dad that I was supposed to eat, breathe, sleep, live, die, tennis and I believed him and um and so like. From from the earliest age that I can really remember like being self-aware, it was like I that's all I identified with was like I, I'm not like me as a person. I'm a tennis player and I mean, I don't know if you guys can I would get in so much trouble with teachers in school because I just would like argue with them because I knew I was going to be a professional tennis player.
Speaker 3:And why did I have to be there? You know, and I just I'm clearly I don't belong here and I would skip all the time and go play tennis, like I. Literally I'm playing professional tennis as a senior in high school and I failed PE, right, that's impressive. Yeah, you just don't go. It's great, you know, and and uh and and so like, but but I, I wrapped everything that I was around, that um, that identity, and I really did go out and live in that way and I believed it. The problem came in when, well, like you don't win every match, right, like, no matter how good you are, the best tennis player in the world still loses. And I was not even close, like I'll just, I've done a lot of work around this, so I can tell you today I wasn't that good, right, like I'll just, I'm, I've done a lot of work around this, so I can tell you today I wasn't that good, right, like I really wasn't. And, um, and there were a lot of guys who were a lot better than me, and and um, uh, I worked my tail off and and um, uh, practiced.
Speaker 3:I didn't go out, I didn't get loaded, I didn't do all the things that the kids my age at that point like 12, 13, 14, were doing. I didn't do all that stuff. I just trained, trained, trained. I turned pro at 15. I trained. I wasn't going to drink, I wasn't going to do any of those things, and yet I would go play these guys and they would come in hungover from the bar the night before without sleeping and they'd beat the shit out of me, just wax you.
Speaker 3:And I was like, how does that happen? And the the impact that it had, because I'd wrapped everything that I was into that identity. It's not like when I lost a match, I lost the tennis match. When I lost a match, it was somebody attacking who I am Right, and so like you guys will chop it up today and like hang out and you see me, like out on the street or like in meetings or whatever, and like I'm I'm a pretty nice guy. You would not want to play me on a tennis court because I'm angry, I'm breaking rackets, I'm cheating, I'm fighting, I'm like I'm literally getting into fistf fights with my opponents because every time they win a point it's an attack on who I am, because I wrapped everything up into that Sounds like valiant guys playing pickleball Come on or ping pong, right, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:I got into some good ping pong like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So here you are. In a lot of means You've hit the dream right You're playing professional. At what point did you realize, hey, this is, I'm coming to the end of the road and I'm having to, like, face life not as a pro tennis player, because there's a lot we could talk about on your pro journey and all that kind of stuff, and so I know I'm kind of cutting through. But in every professional, professional sports especially, you get to that point where you're like, hey, I'm done. There's people better than me. What was that process for you, going from pro to average?
Speaker 3:Joe. So I'm playing a tennis match and it's a doubles match and I'm kind of a young guy. I'm playing these two guys that won the Australian Open Like they're really good tennis players, wow, right. And I go out there with my doubles partner and we get up 3-0 in the first set and we're like doing chest bumps because that's what you did back then and all this good stuff. And we go and we do the changeover and the guy one of the guys leans over and he says hey, peter, you hungry mate Like that, and we didn't win another game.
Speaker 3:What do you mean they were toying with? You it wasn't even close, like they were bored, wow, okay. And for me in that moment I was like, wow, like this isn't, like everything in my life that I've wrapped up into this, this person, this, like it's not true. And so, uh, that's whenever I did what any self-respecting, um uh, human does, and I became a rave DJ because you've got to tell us how you go from okay, give us the all right.
Speaker 3:So it made sense at the time, right? So, like I'm, I'm traveling around, I'm the tennis is not a hugely American sport at the time, and so I'm the only American in my little group, my traveling team. Everybody else is European and so, like they're, they introduced me to all this electronic music and they're going out at the clubs at night. So I tag along, you know, and and and I just fell in love with that, that whole like scene and all of that.
Speaker 3:It was just so cool and it was different from anything that I had ever seen on Chicken Farm in East Texas, you know. And and so I just I said I'm going to quit this tennis thing and I'm just going to go full bore into that scene. And there was something like, there was some freedom in that, there was something new and it was different, um, but there was a whole lot of drugs in that that I could mask kind of like that whole identity thing that was going on with me, um, to where I didn't have to deal with it, um, and because I worked really hard like that's really the thing I worked really hard, um, and did a lot of mess.
Speaker 3:I could, uh, I learned how to DJ and started jumping around on stage like an idiot and um and and created that kind of identity, that persona, right, and once again, like I'm, I mean, um, I, I'd like to think my, my wife thinks I'm a pretty nice guy. I'm not like crazy or or you know, irrational and I sure don't jump around like an idiot all the time. But boy, I did back in those days and and it was all like part of like trying to to create this idea of who I am and and this idea has to be wrapped up in what I do, that and I know we've talked about this before, but I really evolved into a human doing rather than a human being, right? And? And the problem with that is that at some point you can't do right. At some point, no matter how much ecstasy you take, no matter how much methamphetamine there is, I get. Some point you got to slow down, or at least I did, and I was stuck with me without being able to do.
Speaker 1:That was very difficult when is the dj era for you? Is that when drugs started really coming in the picture, or was that was the before? That was it in professional career or is?
Speaker 3:it it was. It was, uh, towards the end of my um, my tennis um, like like I was eating amphetamines and drinking beer while playing tennis, and that's a bad combination, but for me it worked really well, and and, and, so I'd already been introduced to that. We were going to raves at night and we were training all day going to raves at night, training all day, and you know, one of them has to go, yeah, and, and so it just it ended up just being one night after the next, after the next, and so, yeah, I identified with that for a period of time until I couldn't do that anymore and had to find something else to do.
Speaker 1:Well, what I'm hearing you say is you just kind of replace one. Hey, if it's not going to be tennis, I got to go and be. I got to go find my identity and something else. I really relate to that because, you know, I'm not doing what I used to do anymore that I really identified with, but I still find myself now trying to create a new, a new identity. How do we I don't know what the right word, but how do we gatekeep from that approach Right? So, like I'm in Valiant, I'm leaving. I'm in valiant, I'm, I'm leaving, I'm starting for for me, I'm starting a new life, a new career, whatever. A lot of these guys are gonna go back to some of the same stuff. What are some tools, what are some things that we can put in place so that we don't fall back into that trap of being a human doing? I love how you said that and how do we embrace what it looks like to just be a human being? I?
Speaker 3:I want to share a little bit of how I came to it and then talk about the tools that came from that. Because it was so impactful, because I didn't come to group and whenever I got sober and hang out and start unpacking, this that wasn't my story. Even after I got sober, I really was still wrapped up in that cycle of human doing. And what happened is I got into a. I was about six years sober and I got into a. I went to a program that we went out on this farm together, together, and it was a bunch of professionals, and we were asked to not share what we do with the people that we were there with. We had to just go interact and just go be Kind of like well, what do I talk about then?
Speaker 3:It was that part was difficult in the beginning to really like how do I connect now? Because one of the first things that I would ask people is, hey, what do you do? And that resonated with me, but we couldn't do that anymore. How do I connect now? Because one of the first things that I would ask people is, hey, what do you do? Right, and that resonated with me, but we couldn't do that anymore and we did some work in my time there uh, around really understanding like what I was trying to get out of interactions, like how I was trying to repair the damage done with my dad right, like how I was trying to save him in all of my different interactions and relationships. We did some work there, but in between sessions, because I couldn't talk about what I had done, I, for the first time in my life, had the opportunity to just show up and be Right. I could just be Uncomfortable at first, very freeing through the experience, the more I got or the more I did.
Speaker 3:At the end of that time they allowed everybody to share what they did for a living and it was fun to learn all the people what they did and a living and it was fun to learn, like all the people, that what they did and who they were, all whatever that is.
Speaker 3:And um, and it came down to me and I said, hey guys, like I really hope that you guys don't mind, but this has been such a free experience I'd rather not share what I do. Um, it was such a a kind of a visceral experience because here's what happened I got to get in touch with who I am and share that, and all of the love, respect, the adoration, the admiration, all of these things that I chased through. What I do I got without doing Just me, just me showing up. I got those things, um, and so what I was fortunate enough to do is I left that experience and I got to go, uh, really dig into some parts, work, yeah, and into ifs and and really dig into that and understand how all of these parts of me, um, including the athlete, right, um, who I I called the athlete.
Speaker 3:I also had the boy, I also had the, the, the party animal. I also had the, the firefighter part of me, all of these, like all of these things that I would do, I'd march out there to keep myself safe, right, and so I started to see that in my life and I started to do work around that and and the, the, the way that I moved from it is I started honoring those different parts of me, thanking them for keeping me safe and and also tell them that they can stand down. Now I got it. That's great, you know, and and that experience of being me and and just truly being me in that allowed me to tell them it full-heartedly, honor them and tell them I got it.
Speaker 1:We're good now. Yeah, you know, yeah, that's the beautiful part about IFS and one of my main takeaways from being here at Valiant was what you just said Honor, the different part, the stuff that I tried to sweep under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. I mean, I had to do that some today, even like hey, I got to honor, this came up for me and I got to kind of call myself out on this Cause if I don't, I'm going to pretend it wasn't there. It was so freeing for me just to share with the alumni guys. Hey, this came up for me in a conversation I have with Glenn earlier and I got to call myself out on this ego thing, that's. But I'm, I'm recognizing and honoring it as opposed to hiding it, which I think, like you were saying, that's what brings freedom ultimately. Absolutely Is to say, hey, this is a part of who I am, but I love what you just said. Man, you don't have to, you can let it ride, but you don't have to let it drive.
Speaker 3:It can be in the car with you.
Speaker 3:And still like being in that. For me now to have that center inside and I've had this for a number of years now this true sense of self of who I am and to be in that driver's seat, it still means that I honor those parts of me. I still take them out and we still go play. So I've got these two parts of me that I really was ashamed of for so long, and one of them was the athlete, the tennis player part of me, and the other part was the boy that I just ignored and treated like he just wasn't good enough, right and. And so, after doing some work, I took them. I took those parts of me.
Speaker 3:We went out on a, on a hike in Big Bend National Park, and both of those parts of me are honored by we. We literally ran around the parks of. The athlete part of me could really understand that like he's valued and he's wanted in here, we're going to go, do this like crazy, run around Big Bend National Park and then here and there, like in the little parts, we'd stop and play and like climb and, like you know, jump around and like little trees are there and I'd honor the boy part of me, right and and I still do that uh today in different interactions to take those parts of me that kept me safe for so long and honor them by taking, like let's go play.
Speaker 1:How did that feel for you in comparison to what it used to be when those parts are coming out but you're doing it for affirmation from other people or whatever it might be like?
Speaker 3:talk about the difference in the um, because in some ways they're the same thing, the same part, with a whole different mindset and approach, though right 100 so, um, I you know I was thinking back in the rave days like this is before cell phones and pictures like you take on your phone, right, and so we had like cameras that you would actually take pictures in and like I mean, go get them developed.
Speaker 1:Which are coming back. By the way, my kids ask for cameras for Christmas. I was like you know, you're carrying a phone that has one, but anyway keep going.
Speaker 3:So I'd get these pictures developed and I would look at these pictures and I'd see me and my friends at these shows and doing these things and I'm like man, I think I had fun, right. And the reason behind that is that I'm always living life in reverse. At that point in time, I'm just reacting to everything that's going on around me, most of the time in fear, just trying to make it from one experience to the next, to the next, because I'm not present. I'm just reacting in in those parts that are trying to keep me safe all the time, and so I'm not present in the moment, I'm not engaged in it, and I get done with the activity and it's more of relief for a minute, right, that I made it through, that I'm okay, and then it's immediately replaced in fear because I've stopped doing so.
Speaker 1:Interesting, awful, like it's just because you can't actually enjoy it because you're whether it's the anxiety or whatever the man so I relate that because I was at my favorite all-time artist is, uh, james Taylor. Okay, yeah, okay, yeah love james taylor and I was at a james taylor concert and this was before I got sober. But I remember actively not being able to enjoy the concert because it was already sad that was going to be over and it's like I almost want to go see him again and try it differently. Like what if I just was present here and just enjoyed it? But my anxiety kept me from even being present in that moment, because I was already like, hey, this is going to come to an end at some point, so let's go here.
Speaker 1:And then I want to, I want to hear what you guys have to say in comments or questions. Um, how is, how is life different for you now? Because and we didn't even talk about the Navy I mean, that was a big part of your life too. I mean, but you're still doing stuff. You're still doing awesome stuff, successful, all that kind of thing. How are you doing it different? How are you managing it now? Because you haven't taken yourself off the field. It's not like you're sitting in the stands of life and watching it go by. You're still building and growing and doing a lot of great things. But let's get into some of the tool stuff.
Speaker 3:How are you doing it now and doing it different? I do think the foundation built in recovery I'm a part of 12-Step Fellowship and Alcoholics Anonymous and the foundation and this idea of this design for living that really works, really works, and it doesn't matter how long I've been doing it or short I've been doing it, it doesn't matter. Like the principles are still the same, and the principle in the third step about here's the perspective in it, and this decision and this is really how I try to live my life today is that I used to look out at what I was going to do and put this plan and big design together, kind of like a foreman would on a job site right, like directing all the people in the country to do this, do this and this. And what I realized through all of this is that I'm not good at that. Like I'm just not Me in charge of my life sucks and I end up getting loaded and doing worse things. And so what I did in that decision? I made a conscious decision to be a bricklayer rather than the foreman, and so my life today looks very much like laying bricks, one brick at a time, and I can do that. I'm really good at laying bricks and doing one little thing at a time and focusing on that. Every now and then I get a chance to sit back and look and it's like, oh, wow, this is kind of cool, I get to be a part of this and this and this. But as quick as I can, I try to just go back to laying one brick at a time. I love that. That's a huge piece of it. And because today I don't have to identify with what I do, like I'm fine with laying one brick at a time. I don't need to tell you that I'm running the show. I don't need to tell you I'm the foreman, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, I'm just laying bricks. I love that.
Speaker 3:Before I finally got sober and I tried for a number of years to get sober and I'm going to get into what you asked, okay, but it starts here Um, I would uh, park around the block from the meeting, cause I didn't want people to see me going to the meeting and I would sneak in and I would just go to the meeting and then I would go back to my life, right, and and I did that for a while and funny, it didn't work, it just didn't work and uh, and finally, whenever I was held still long enough, uh, that I got some physical sobriety and I started to dig into the program of recovery and started just showing up. I started building a foundation in my recovery and then built my life out of that is that suddenly all of the identity that people had given me and the fame and the whatever, like you know, the accolades in that it didn't matter much anymore because I was here, it centered in my recovery and I was just another guy at the meeting, right. And so slowly but slowly, that identity part over there drifted away and it was a part of, like, just my recovery story. Like then I so I'm gonna share some of my, my titles or my, my identities right, so, like I was the tennis pro, but but in in the meetings I'm Glenn Right. Then it was the events guy, right, glenn does all the events and travels all over the country and does all this stuff right over here, but back in my meetings, like I'm just Glenn, right. And so, the more that I invested in the foundation in my recovery and this this is true today Right, the other things that that I identified in my mind with who I was. They drifted away and I became Glenn, like this man who's in recovery.
Speaker 3:Fast forward a number of years later and I think we were talking about this earlier I was wrapped up in a whole bunch of financial fear.
Speaker 3:I was was big shot, founder and company and all this other stuff just doing navigated and exit and all this crap and and I I um gotten wrapped up in some financial fear. It wasn't founded, it was just fear. But I had uh, drifted away and attached too much of who I was with the professional doings and my businesses and things like that. And um, uh, I leaned into uh, my, my fellowship, my sponsor, and hit my knees and I businesses and things like that. And I leaned into my fellowship, my sponsor, and hit my knees and I prayed and the result of that prayer and the guidance was to get back and re-engage more into the fellowship, into recovery, and I did that and I started getting back involved in a regular meeting three or four times a week and rebuilding that foundation, going back to the foundation that I created in early recovery and all of those things. They also vanished again, and so that's what I would say in that like that's the foundation, everything else works itself out. Thank you, cool Great.
Speaker 1:Go over here.
Speaker 2:When it comes to IFS work, what was your process to finally get those parts of you peeled apart from each other, and how did that look for you?
Speaker 3:And maybe even how long it took. It took about six months and it started with that experience there of identifying as the human being now and not the human doing Um, so first piece, uh, for years in um, alcoholics Anonymous, I would, I would travel around and I would try to adequately talk about that experience. That happened when I was struck sober and that that kind of like you know, it felt like freedom but a weight was lifted but the words didn't quite do it Right. Does that make sense? Like trying to like explain the unexplainable is really difficult.
Speaker 3:But when I went to that, that other program at Six Years, sober, and I had that experience of being a being let's just leave it that being I had the same experience that I did when I first got sober and I was able to put words for it for the first time.
Speaker 3:That um, uh, all that was that feeling whenever I was struck sober that many years ago and was doing it again, was, it was my reintroduction to self, like who I really am, the same thing and I think whenever we I'm going to make a generalization when we come into recovery from substances, we get that first introduction to ourselves in a very long time and it's like, wow, who is that? What is that? And then, through that second experience, and then after I left there and after having this reintroduction to self, I did some work with a therapist and we broke out these different parts with parts cards and I was able to identify with these different parts cards, these different parts of me, using that, and we broke them out in a storyline in five-year increments and I was able to walk through each part of me during these different timelines and start to identify with them, not as me, but as who I worked with in those different situations. There was some power in getting outside of me right and was able to do that. So, about six months of work there and then after that it's been, you know, years of honoring those parts and making friends with those parts and in some cases, especially with the boy, seeing those parts and in some cases, especially with the boy seeing those parts.
Speaker 2:Did you ever find that you think you're some parts, say maybe like the protector part or something like that was just so enmeshed with yourself that you couldn't even pull them apart enough to talk to them and say, please just shut up for a minute. You ever find it hard like that.
Speaker 3:Please just shut up for a minute. You ever find it hard like that. I think the right way to think of that for me was it was always difficult, right, and it took a long time. I was fortunate that I had a lot of time to be able to in that point in my life, to be able to spend in my life to be able to spend, I would spend six, seven hours at a time trying to really see and honor those parts. I did some visualizations with my therapist around that to create a safe space for us to meet, if that makes sense. I had to do a lot of that work Over time.
Speaker 3:I will tell you this that the separation between the parts has become much clearer, but not in a negative way, not like I'm putting them in a box, more so like I just see them clearly, right, and I can honor them clearly for what they're doing. That firefighter part of me is very real and for those of y'all are like really digging in the exiles that are down here, they're like those are also very real and so it helps me to understand these parts of like yeah, these are really really difficult. I don't want to look at these parts and this firefighter is coming in and trying to help with that and and being able to say, look, I'm, I'm okay, like I'm, I'm really okay with this, like we, we can keep going here. I don't, I don't necessarily need your help in this. Thank you, though. Right, that took a long time. Hi, hi, um.
Speaker 1:So today, in your sobriety um if you were to, let's say, play tennis or attend a rave or a concert. Do you have any like? Do you feel any guilt or shame or regret and if so, how?
Speaker 2:do you? How do you?
Speaker 3:handle that, um, cool, I'll tell you two parts of that one um, I'm on the board of a nonprofit where we actually go to raves and set up like I still DJ at some shows and for fun, and we set up sober tents and, like our tagline is we do safe spaces and fun places and it's a blast Like we have such a good time going out there. I've got this shirt on, it's is sober AF, you know, and like, and, and I have these, uh, um, these interactions with people and you'd be surprised how many people that I just didn't know that really enjoy the music, the, the, the whole spectacle, and that are sober like years and um, so we did one over, um, uh, new years at the college, at the, um, the convention center down here, and, um, I had two stories that were so powerful in that there was, um, there was one, uh, one dad that came up to me, um, and he said, uh, he said my son just got out of rehab and, uh, he's like, can I have one of your beanies? It's like a sober AF beanie. Can I have one to give to him? I was like, absolutely, and uh, and he can have one to give to him.
Speaker 3:I was like absolutely, and uh, and he and he took this thing and he's like, yeah, like this is um, you know he just got out of rehab. I'm so hopeful and and um, and I'm sitting there and, and you know, when you hear yourself say something that's not you saying it, you're like where did that come from? I heard my myself. I was telling this guy. I said you know it takes, but when it takes it takes. I don't know where that comes from right, but like dude started crying right there.
Speaker 3:You know he'd never seen his son sober. And here's his son. You know, having this opportunity, this chance at it, and and so that was real impactful. That meant a lot to me to be able to share that. But then the one that really mattered is this dude came up to me and and a young kid and he gives me this big old hug and he grabs his shirt and he's like he's like this is my. He had tears in his eyes. He said this is my New Year's resolution. He's like I want to be sober and I didn't know that we could do this sober, but I see you guys and like I want to be sober, like that's cool, you know, and so I love doing that.
Speaker 3:The tennis side of it I don't play tennis anymore and tennis is a little different in that there's no one else out there on the court but you on your side and you're trying to beat someone else and I know what that's like. I've done that a lot Also. The tennis court is the same size and the tennis ball always looks the same. I know what that looks like. I've done that a lot Also. The tennis court is the same size and the tennis ball always looks the same. I know what that looks like. I've done that a lot and I like going to the mountains Like that's cool, you know it looks different, you know. And so, like I, that part of my life I'm really grateful for and it's given me a platform today, right and and and a lot of great things today. But I don't have to go out there and go hit a tennis ball to prove who I am today, and I'd much rather I just find for me this is true for me today I like being in the mountains more than I like being on the tennis court. Go figure, who'd have thunk it? Great question.
Speaker 3:Another one this is going to sound kind of weird, maybe is like I, I didn't, um, I, I took myself out of the management of what my life was going to look like and I got really like laser focused on um, two things like really building out my life in recovery and doing what was put right in front of me and not getting wrapped up in where it was going to lead, if that makes sense. And so I took one step after the other and at each step there was an option presented to me and I took the tools in recovery. I talked to my sponsor about it, I talked to my fellowship about it and asked should I walk through this door? And if everybody lined up and said, yeah, that's probably a pretty good idea, you should walk through that door? Then I did. There was no straight line and no plan from that, it was just a process, and so at each step I just worked as hard as I could at that thing that was indicated at that point in time. And then another doorway opened up and then I did the same process checked and walked through that door. Process, checked and walked through that door.
Speaker 3:In a very short amount of time I went from, whenever I got sober, I was running a very this is not ego or anything that was very the nicest tennis club in the South. Someone gave us a check for $55 million and we built a tennis club with it. It was beautiful, Right, um, now I don't work anywhere in that industry, like at all. Um, like, uh, today I don't I. I I'm an owner of like three different companies and I don't. I didn't set out to do that, if that makes sense. Um, and what I did was I focused on the process of checking, like staying grounded in my recovery and taking one step at a time and those doorways opened. So I know that's a terrible non-answer, but it was less about like what I did and more about the process of making the decision to walk through the door. Like I want to map it out and see the plan. But if, if I look back today and I tried to draw a line back to that, that couch that I couldn't get off of, that wasn't really mine when I was trying to get sober and I couldn't stop drinking, if I tried to draw a line, it doesn't even come close to straight. It wraps around the world four or five times before it gets here and so I I couldn't plan it.
Speaker 3:The other piece that I will share on this this is kind of thank you for bringing it up is important. If, by some divine intervention, I was told back in my first six months sober what my life was going to look like today, what the life that I would be living today, what my life was going to look like today, what the life that I would be living today, what I would be able to do and how I was able to live, if I was told that at six months. I wouldn't believe you first of all, and I probably would have sat on my ass and waited for it to happen. Right, and so not knowing has been a gift of like. Just allowing to do the foot work and not know what it's going to look like, cause I'm like for someone that likes to work as much as I do. I don't really. If I know it's going to come to me, I'm probably going to sit and wait for it, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, but this has been amazing man. Thank you very much for sharing with us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, guys, thank y'all.
Speaker 1:I really appreciate it with us. Yeah, guys, thank you all. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Thank you, man. Thank you Well, we appreciate you listening to this episode of the Valiant Living Podcast, and our hope is that it helped you feel educated, encouraged and even empowered on your journey towards peace and freedom. If we can serve you or your loved one in any way, we'd love to have a conversation with you. You can call 720-756-7941 or email admissions at valiantlivingcom. At Valiant Living, we treat the whole person so you not only survive, but you thrive in the life you deserve. And finally, if this episode has been helpful to you, it would mean a lot to us if you'd subscribe and even share it with your friends and family. You can also follow along with us on Instagram and Facebook by simply searching Valiant Living. Thanks again for listening and supporting the Valiant Living podcast. We'll see you next week.
