Valiant Living Podcast
Welcome to the Valiant Living Podcast where we educate, encourage, and empower you towards a life of peace and freedom.
Valiant Living has been restoring lives and families since 2017 by providing multiple levels of care for men and their families. Fully accredited by The Joint Commission, Valiant Living has earned a national reputation as a premier treatment program, offering IOP, PHP, and recovery housing programs for men ages 26 and older. Founder and CEO MIchael Dinneen is a nationally recognized therapeutic expert, speaker, and thought leader in the behavioral health field.
On this podcast you’ll hear from the Valiant team as well as stories of alumni who are living in recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome addiction or trauma, please call us at (720)-756-7941 or email admissions@valiantliving.com We’d love to have a conversation with you!
Valiant Living Podcast
So Good Sober: How Life Can Be After Rehab
What if your fear of missing out on social events could cost you your life? That’s what happened to our guest, who found themselves at rock bottom after a life-threatening hospital stay due to acute liver failure in December 2022. This gripping episode unpacks their journey from the high of youthful partying to the depths of addiction, before realizing the deeper fear of missing out on life's meaningful moments, like being there for their children. We share a profound testament to the human spirit's resilience and the critical decisions that spark a path toward healing.
Join us as we navigate the challenges and triumphs of recovery. Our guest takes us through their transformative experience with the Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) at Valiant, shedding light on the importance of community and connection in overcoming addiction. The program provided not just physical detox, but a family-like support system that was essential in learning to live sober. The stories of camaraderie and shared experiences illustrate the power of collective strength and motivation in the journey to sobriety, providing profound insights into the recovery process.
A life of sobriety isn’t just about quitting substances; it’s about embracing authenticity and finding fulfillment in simplicity. We explore the transformative power of honesty and transparency, with contributions from Brady's fiancée, Jenny, and Brady's father, who share their insights and personal achievements in sobriety. This episode emphasizes the lifelong tools of recovery, like honesty and self-care, that foster personal growth and the joy of living an addiction-free life. We delve into the liberating feeling of living openly and authentically, inspiring listeners to embrace their own potential for transformation.
Well, we can kind of weave it together with what we kind of talked about, the story, and then like the life. So I guess, if we're going to be on that topic of like FOMO, right, everybody, we all talk about that Like what's life going to be like outside of what we had and what we were? So, like my whole, so I'm an addict, alcoholic, but just so everybody knows. So my whole, I guess, like drinking, career, whatever, whatever you want to call it demise, I don't care what word you use. So it started at a pretty young age, like you know, typical American high school kid, like you know, partying, smoking, weed.
Speaker 1:Didn't drink a ton until I was 21, college, and then it's just a lot of people can share. It's like one thing after another. It doesn't matter if it's drinking or acting out or whatever. We all know. Like our brains don't care if we're acting out, snorting a line of Coke, taking a shot, it's that dopamine hit right. And so it was just for partying and to have fun. And there was a time where we talked about the FOMO where I didn't think that I could be like that life of the party. Be that dude, you know, be able to, you know, as a kid say nowadays, like Riz on the girls, if it wasn't quiet.
Speaker 1:I had to throw it in there. So it was. There was a point like that where I did have like that. It was almost like that fear like I'd have to pregame to, pregame, right, and and it was just about partying. And then, as it kind of progressed, you know, um, the, my fear of missing out on the party is what ultimately led to the demise, because my addiction got so strong. It went from, uh, just having fun and social and being with the fellas and you know all that stuff too, where I physically had to drink every day to get up. You know, I had to take a shot before I got in the shower, or maybe four or five. I had to get a 10 pack of shooters on the way to work and it did my end of it physically took a toll on me so bad that I did hit rock bottom physically. And that's the thing I want to talk about is later. But you don't have to get to that point and you know some of you guys probably didn't and that's great, you know but I ended up in the ICU.
Speaker 1:What December 3rd of 2022. And God, I don't know why I'm tearing up. I shouldn't. I'm alive. But so I had acute liver failure, uh, upper GI bleed, and it was a better chance of of not all right. So I had a better chance of not making it on the hospital that night, uh, than I did being here. So that was what kind of changed.
Speaker 1:So my fear of missing out and wanting to be that party guy and all that you know, brought me to that moment, right, and if we want to talk about, like, the fear of missing out and you know, the burning bush moment or whatever, think of like the juxtaposition of the dichotomy of, okay, I'm, I'm the fear of missing this party, well, I was sitting in the, you know the hospital bed, you know being told by the doctors I was going to die, and that's when the fear of missing out hit. You know, I have two kids, you know, from a broken marriage and so I'm not going to see them grow up. You know my parents are going to, you know, have to bury their son and and that was like that was real difficult. Just thinking about that day like chokes me up, you know. And that was difficult sitting there because I'm like like I really fucked my life up, like I drank myself to death, um, and I'm here, like I'm on, you know, death's bed yeah and that was kind of, I guess.
Speaker 1:So that's the story, that's what.
Speaker 2:That's how I got to valiant how long was that between hospital to valaliant? Was that pretty quick? Yeah, it was quick.
Speaker 1:So I went into the hospital December 3rd. I don't remember when I got out exactly, but I was here. I was in at Valiant December 16th.
Speaker 2:Detox first, and then you had to stay here.
Speaker 1:No, because I, because I, since I, I was in the hospital. Luckily I didn't have to do the for morgan stuff like some of y'all probably did, uh, but I got medical detox at the hospital because, yeah, I was, I went from, I went from the er um, and we won't get in the story, it's too long, but I went from the er and then they're like all right, we got to keep you.
Speaker 2:So it's like er, icu and then extended stay, gotcha the picture that we have of you when you checked in here is wild, Like it's just hardly recognized. We look like a different person. Yeah, I was.
Speaker 1:I was 215 pounds, um, and then I had gout in my right ankle and I was all swollen Cause like dude, my liver was leaking into my legs. Like I mean I didn't look like you know I'm going to be 43, you know shortly, and I mean I de-aged coming to Valiant but yeah, I was a mess. I couldn't walk up the stairs in Foxfield. They had to carry my bags. I mean it was. It was bad. I mean you can ask Dan Coach, dan's not here but in treatment and that's. I mean that's serious, Like it was. It was that bad. I mean it was at the point that I was lucky that Deneen and them and Lister at the time was like cool with letting me, you know, come in Cause. Yeah, I probably should have taken some more time, kind of heal while you're here a little bit too yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just I mean I couldn't do and John still reminds me when we go to the gym and that stuff's the first day because I'm in delusion, still right, like I'm fine, you know, everything's fine. I went to the hospital, whatever, and then I got down to do push-ups. I couldn't do three push-ups. When I got here, I mean I was in like rough, rough physical shape. I I mean it was bad, and that doesn't even count the mental stuff. That's just what you could see, you know. So yeah, for time constraint. That's how I got to Valiant.
Speaker 2:Talk a little briefly, just because we have a lot of guys in PHP here today. Like, when you look back on your, how long did you do all together?
Speaker 1:I did so. I did 45 days in PHP and then I did some stuff you're not supposed to do in rehab, like buy a house, um, cause I didn't want to go back to the old spot. So I stayed in a sober living a little bit longer, but I was here December 16th and then, uh, I closed on the house like mid March, but I stayed in sober living until April 1st, gotcha so. And then I did OP after that.
Speaker 2:Talk a little bit about your your looking back where you're at now on your PHP experience. What was it like in the moment? And then, what was it like now looking back and how does that differ?
Speaker 1:Oh, man, yeah, looking back at php, yeah, I mean the first. Probably you guys probably share the, the sentiment. But the first, like the first couple days and week, was like a blur, you know, I don't remember much of it. Um, I had night sweats, so bad. Um, I feel bad. Whoever's sleeping in my bed, I won't say what room it is- well, I mean, hopefully they change the sheets by now.
Speaker 1:I need to change the fucking mattress. But yeah, just night sweats, real bad, and it was just. It was kind of interesting. But I was so broken that when I got to PHP that I had nothing like it was. I had nothing left right. So I kind of had to like buy in and put it in. And I'd never been to therapy and never heard the words that they talked about. I was in a realm, in a world I didn't even know. You know it was my first stint in rehab. You know it was my last. And yeah, the first couple of weeks was just, was like a blur.
Speaker 1:And what I would probably say to anybody and this is like real talk is I mean, if you're here because you want to be, that's great. If you're here because you have to be, that's great. If you're here because you have to be, it's still great, you're here. But put the work in like buy in. If you buy in, it's it's what you make of it, right, and I was going to get to this a little later, but well, I don't want to weave too far. But so PHP, it was like yeah, just, it was a blur.
Speaker 1:And then kind of get the camaraderie and start to buy in and I said it like the first week, I think, or the first one of the alumni meetings it was a different format than we had here and I went to like I think Pete remembers and I I was like, dude, I'm sick of like you go to AA and you kind of hear like the same, it's like the sad story and the sad story. I was like I want to hear about wins, like I want to hear people winning, cause that kind of drove me Um so by, like buying in together and us supporting each other. You know, on bad days, good days I mean Dan was going through the divorce, you know, john might, you know, I mean we get everybody, all you guys are going through shit, right, and but I saw standing together, we, just we, it does it becomes like a family, right, and like the cliche. You know, the opposite of addiction is connection. By making that connection and putting an end, then I actually I enjoyed PHP and for me it was like it was a reset and in the moment, in the moment, it sucked right, you know, like having to be like on somebody else's schedule and everything else, you know, but looking back, the gratitude I have for the opportunity to hit that reset button.
Speaker 1:You know as much as it sucked like. We are all blessed to be here and blessed to go to PHP Because, let's be honest, not everybody can go to Valiant. I mean it's a top-end program. I mean it's, you know, people have to do it the hard way. I got buddies that have two-stepped it. You know my fiance, she did it without rehab, and so I mean we're blessed to be in that position.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that at the time, you know I was like fuck the world, yeah, but, um, but looking back, it was like you know, yeah, just blessed to be able to hit that reset button. So that's kind of the PHP and it is. It's such a blur man Like I can't tell you day by day and what it was. It was just as fast, it does longest, it's the longest, like you know. It's, I guess, the longest, shortest time, right, like what they say in the rooms, like the first 30 days, 30 days, a thousand nights. You know, it was like, it was kind of like that, but yeah, it was.
Speaker 1:You know, looking back, I would not change it for the world. You know, if you could have said, hey, you know you can go back and we'll just give you this magic pill, and it's not, you know, you don't have to go through that, I wouldn't change that and we'll get to that later, kind of as we go through. But the the, the opportunity that we have and you guys have, and I had to, to go through it and do that, I will guarantee will make you a stronger person. You put the work in, your life will be better. There's no doubt about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know so good, that's awesome. So let's talk life post valiant. Was it everything you hoped to be? Was it all up into the right? Was it easy, was it hard, was it?
Speaker 1:Um, so it's different, right? Um, it's different. There's there's no doubt about it that everything in life Okay, take that back Not everything in life is better. The one thing that I hate about sobriety is when you get sick, because I can't drink it off, you know, but I was living sick for like 10 years. I woke up every day sick, um, but no, it's better, but it is different.
Speaker 1:Um, there are the things you learn and the tools, um, to like to, I guess, to succeed, right Cause, prior to it, I was just like yeah, whatever, like we'll do whatever, say, whatever. How's a people pleaser? I'll try to stay away from the therapy words because it's more like real talking here. And so life and sobriety, with the boundaries, and like the healthy thought and everything, like I sleep great, you know I'm not, you know lying. You know I'm not, I'm not, you know lying. Um, you know I'm honest, like I'm living a pure life.
Speaker 1:Um, and the biggest thing I would say in sobriety, like overall, is that the freedom that you're going to get back in your life, um, and not only like the freedom to have relationships, the freedom to leave your house at 2 AM and drive somewhere and not get pulled over. You know the freedom there's so much of it. You know the freedom and the time and that's probably the, you know. For me that's the biggest thing. And then when you're living like that and in sobriety and we can talk more about it or whatever we'll get to the questions, but it allows you to live like the pure human experience, the pure human existence. You know, like I'm not crying because I'm like fucked up and I'm late to work or something like that's happened. I'm not throwing plates or getting pissed off because of something like my new, like I can, I can accept my feelings, I can step back, I can analyze them, like I know where I'm at and it's just.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like the human life and we can all think about that. We all had that at one point in our life. You know. I mean it might've been when you're 12 or 13 years old. You know I started smoking pot in middle school. You know seventh grade, 11, 12, 13 years old. But I think back to like that pure, like kind of childhood. You know, like thought that you have and it kind of allows you to like. For me it's like I get to live that pure existence again. So that's really what? What I guess life in sobriety is from an overall like an umbrella, if that makes sense. No, that's good.
Speaker 2:That's really good. I want you guys to be thinking about questions not just for Brady, but just for the room, like if there's questions and stuff you're wrestling with. We want this to be kind of a safe place to ask those things and then we can all jump in and kind of give our answers and stuff. Also, we didn't do this, but I want to acknowledge we do have some special guests here today. Is it okay if I call your people? So one great thing about Brady's sobriety is she got to meet the lovely Jenny, who's also in sobriety, and they are just recently engaged. So that's an awesome thing. Congratulations, jenny, who's also in sobriety, and they are just recently engaged. So that's an awesome thing, congratulations.
Speaker 2:And you've been sober six and a half years. It's awesome. Congratulations, that's awesome, and the honor of having Brady's father here, which is a really big deal for us. So welcome, glad you're here. Glad you're here. Um, brady, what else you got on that sheet?
Speaker 1:I mean a lot, like I said. I mean it's, we can definitely get the questions and just so you guys know, I'm an open book, you can ask me anything um you said you get stickers for free but you have to earn the free hat with a good question yeah, that was the. We did make some, so good merch and some stuff.
Speaker 2:So we never sell them to our variant brothers. It's always free for you guys.
Speaker 1:But um, yeah, I mean, it says that's kind of life after rehab. You know it's uh, I guess we, who most everybody here is in php right right now okay, decent, I'm out. So that's my op guys. So so my op. So we asked about like the php stuff and like I'll quote her like it seemed like a drab hell, right, but there was like there was like a turning point, your quote.
Speaker 2:Different things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there was like a turning point where, like, as I started to like get healthier and physically and then buy in and things like, I remember talking to Melissa and it was almost like I could see colors again, right, like I was living in like a gray scale and it was just like these odd moments that would like happen and I was gonna, I was gonna get on dan, coach dan, but we were in we're having like a uh, you know, group session and I don't even remember what it was about. Um, but I started cracking jokes and like the whole everybody was laughing but dan and dan's like oh, calm down, because he doesn't think recovery is funny, and uh, and then it was like those small things that I was like you know, my, like I am human again, right, like I got my humanity back, and so that was like. So I just for you guys, I guess the advice I'd said I'd give advice, like when something like that happens, like think about it, like in cherish it, you know, like something that you remember, that you know feel this does feel real, this does feel like we say authentic all the time, and you know just when those moments you know happen and it's it's like it's very powerful as you start to kind of regain you know, regain yourself um. So yeah, that's, I mean, that's kind of like the what I have for like being there, um, you know on, you know on that. So it's uh, yeah, it's just, it's tough, it's hard to think about because it'll be almost two years um.
Speaker 2:I bet it feels like it's gone by in a blink, but also a lifetime ago in some ways it does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so. What the way I look at it is. So let's, let's fast forward like 20 years, right, the reason what I came to Valiant for was the addiction and to save my life and all that kind of stuff. So that little section, right, there will be a blip on the radar, right. But what I learned at Valiant and the living in recovery and kind of like the principles or the foundation, right, because even if you're not an addict, if you take the principles and the foundation of recovery which for me it's, you know honesty and like kind of your pillars of where you want your house to build, what I learned at Valiant will be a lifelong of tools and lessons. So, as time passes, you'll have, you know addiction, you know bump recovery and then everything else you know, and then everything else will be better for what it was. And that's why I think living in the principles of recovery and building your foundation, your program is so paramount to this.
Speaker 1:And I made some other notes, I guess because we can get into questions, because, like I said, I could talk forever, but you put on here, drew, you know I did, I made some, you know some other notes, I guess because we can get into, you know questions, because I like said I could talk forever, but you put on here Drew. You said, you know, like what would you say to somebody who's struggling with addiction right now? We all kind of know, because we're all here, right, and it's on that. It's like it's you got to be blunt it's only going to get worse. You know, if you're sitting here and listening to us, we all know we all have a problem, right. I mean, like the Jelly Roll song, nobody came in here on a winning streak, so we all know there's an issue. So it's just, you got to step up and take that opportunity.
Speaker 1:And at first it does start with yourself. I came to value, I fought it and fought it for myself, because everybody's like dude, you need help, you're a fucking mess, like you're going to lose your company, like where's your life going? I fought it and fought it and fought it until it almost killed me. So I had no other choice, right. So it starts with yourself. And then you know, once you get you know kind of like start going through that you do have the opportunity to do something, to do something great, you know, with your sobriety, and you know we talk about like heroes and legends, right, and I'll use a quote from my dad's favorite movie, but nobody's going to remember like the truck I drove up in or you know the sports car or everything you know. Guys might remember the cars I built for them, you know, and though you know those types of things, um, but you know, guys might remember the cars I built for them, you know, and those, you know, those type of things. But you know, maybe I'm a hero to those guys in that kind of stuff. But that's not that big of a deal because, like in the sand, let's say, heroes are remembered but legends never die.
Speaker 1:We have the opportunity to do, like, some legendary shit and it doesn't have to be some grand, you know thing. We don't have to be fucking Elon Musk, you know, and have trillions of dollars, it can be. Being legendary is being a good human, you know, and that's what I was saying earlier. Like we had the, you guys have it now, like you're in a perfect time to hit that reset button, you know, reset your life, you know. And being legendary how many humans walking around here Like we can take small stuff, like our honest, daily? Very few. How many humans make their bed, take care of their health. You know it's very few. And these are all the small like things. You know weird Pete was talking about wins earlier the small things in life that are great, you know.
Speaker 1:And I mean mean and that's like legendary human shit. You're like honest, you're a good person, you know. I mean it's, and that's what, that's what I love about. About recovery. Now it it sucks that we all had to end up here this way, but use it like, use it as a building block for a superpower. Yeah, because if you buy in and you do the work, you're going to leave here with lifelong of tools. You're going to leave here with lifelong of tools. You're going to have yourself fixed. You know, I mean, yes, it takes fucking work and it's every day and none of it. It's not going to be easy, but it's a such a huge opportunity that y'all are sitting in and that Drew and I were lucky to go through to.
Speaker 2:You know, to to be do some legendary shit, man, well said, I mean.
Speaker 2:I mean I I feel like for me, I still have this longing to show up honest with my family, my friends and even in business.
Speaker 2:And as you're talking, I was just on the phone today with a client and it's tough because there was something that they wanted me to do that I wasn't comfortable with because it was going to compromise really my recovery, because it was going to cause me to have to hold on to and it wasn't something that was unethical, but it was just, it was a secret, a thing that I wasn't comfortable with, and in their mind it was really small.
Speaker 2:But I just caught myself saying hey, man, I'm not, I'm just not comfortable with that, and he's a close friend. So I was able to have a conversation. I was like I just got have gotten used to not living in the shadows after spending so much of my life manipulating and working the system and lying, and one lie to cover the other lie, and I'm almost addicted to the feeling of not having anything that I'm hiding, to be able to let my kids and my wife have my phone and use it and not think, oh gosh, I hope they don't stumble onto whatever it's like. I'm just so tired of living that way, and so I totally relate to what you're saying.
