Valiant Living Podcast
Welcome to the Valiant Living Podcast where we educate, encourage, and empower you towards a life of peace and freedom.
Valiant Living has been restoring lives and families since 2017 by providing multiple levels of care for men and their families. Fully accredited by The Joint Commission, Valiant Living has earned a national reputation as a premier treatment program, offering IOP, PHP, and recovery housing programs for men ages 26 and older. Founder and CEO MIchael Dinneen is a nationally recognized therapeutic expert, speaker, and thought leader in the behavioral health field.
On this podcast you’ll hear from the Valiant team as well as stories of alumni who are living in recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome addiction or trauma, please call us at (720)-756-7941 or email admissions@valiantliving.com We’d love to have a conversation with you!
Valiant Living Podcast
Montee Ball's Raw and Inspiring Journey from Football Stardom to Overcoming Addiction
Ever wondered what happens when an NFL star tackles his toughest opponent yet—addiction? Former NFL running back Montee Ball joins us on the Valiant Living Podcast to share his remarkable life story. From the excitement of night games and winning a Big Ten Championship to the often unseen struggles of addiction, Montee opens up about his journey with raw honesty. He offers a unique perspective on why he finds the atmosphere of college sports more engaging than the professional scene and reveals how the pre-game hype fueled his performance on the field.
Montee’s journey takes a profound turn as he candidly discusses his battle with addiction, a struggle that began in his college years and led him to some of his darkest moments. Encouraged by his therapist to journal his thoughts, Montee wrote over 80,000 words, which became a cornerstone of his recovery process. A pivotal moment came when he watched his former team win the Super Bowl from a jail cell, a stark wake-up call that pushed him to confront his issues head-on with the unwavering support of his family. This episode underscores the importance of seeking help and the transformative power of becoming a recovery coach.
In our final segment, we explore how Montee applies the discipline and perseverance from his athletic career to his recovery journey. He sheds light on the importance of opening up about personal struggles, the role of faith, and the blend of spirituality with self-accountability in his healing process. Montee also emphasizes creating spaces where men can openly share their vulnerabilities, fostering genuine connections, and promoting healing. Tune in to hear Montee's inspiring insights on resilience, the ongoing journey towards peace, and the power of showing up consistently.
Well, hey, everyone. Welcome to the Valiant Living podcast, where we educate, encourage and empower you towards a life of peace and freedom. I'm your host, drew Powell, and I'm a grateful alumni of the Valiant Living program. Valiant Living offers hope and transformational change to men and their families struggling with addiction and mental health challenges. So on this podcast you'll hear from the Valiant team, as well as stories of alumni who are living in recovery. If you or someone you love is struggling to overcome addiction or trauma, please call us at 720-756-7941. Or you can email admissions at valiantlivingcom. We'd love to have a conversation with you, but for now let's dive into today's episode. Guys Monte Ball is here.
Speaker 1:What's up man, what's up?
Speaker 2:Fellas.
Speaker 1:It's just wild that you're here, man.
Speaker 2:No, I appreciate it, man. I'm excited. I love doing this stuff. I had the opportunity to chat with a few of the guys prior to coming up here and I'm excited to get into it.
Speaker 1:You rolled in early, man. I loved it. Hey man, what did you tell me when you came in early?
Speaker 2:I told you, I told you, I still got it in my blood. If you're on time, you're late. Yep, if you're on time, you're late.
Speaker 1:Yep, I lied. So raise your hand if you're PHP right now. So these are PHP guys, our IOP guys, that's great. And then alumni, guys that are here.
Speaker 1:Man that's almost like thirds. That's very cool, all right, so let's start with some fun stuff. This is me as a fan. Before we get into the story, right, when you're lined up and you're looking across the way, who's the person that strikes the most fear in your heart? Oh, fear that you're like man. This guy's coming at me. Not that you're a fearful guy but like who have you played against that. You're like man Bobby Wagner.
Speaker 2:Bobby Wagner Again fear. It wasn't like you're afraid, but it's like okay, yeah, I got to know where he's at.
Speaker 2:every single time Got to know where he's at every single time, Got to know where he's at every single time. And then, of course, my rookie year as well. We played Houston JJ Watt. Of course, when he was there, we had to make sure we knew where he was at as well too. Jj's a bad dude he is. I was fortunate enough to. We were teammates in college, so it's fantastic to see what he For sure.
Speaker 1:All right, good, All right. So winning Big Ten Championship, this is a this or that. Winning Big Ten Championship or Super Bowl, oh my gosh Lost the Super Bowl.
Speaker 2:my rookie year, that's against Seattle and New York. I'd have to say Big Ten Championship man, really. Ah, the camaraderie that comes with college sports. It's close to the heart, it's close to the heart.
Speaker 1:It's close to the heart. All right, Running one back like a 100-yard run or a game-winning touchdown.
Speaker 2:Game-winning touchdown. All right For sure. Game-winning touchdown, that was easy. Everyone wants to be the guy. Here's another easy.
Speaker 1:Playing in front of a home crowd or the away crowd, ooh.
Speaker 2:Always will love Camp Randandall, of course, and then obviously, I grew up a broncos fan as well. Living in missouri, denver was always my team, favorite team growing up, and so that was a dream come true to play at uh mile high in vesco field, uh sports authority field, now in power field, whatever you want to call it, but I'd have to go with uh home crowd home crowd, home crowd, all right.
Speaker 1:Um, how about this day game or night game?
Speaker 2:Night.
Speaker 1:Come on. Okay, come on. Come on Under the lights, dude, that's good.
Speaker 2:Honestly, playing under the lights it's magical man Under the lights at Camp Randall and under the lights at the Bronco Stadium in Power Field is something that, literally, I still dream about it.
Speaker 1:College atmosphere or pro atmosphere College Not even close.
Speaker 2:Not even close college, not even close not even close, not even close college again, because you got that spirit right, the, the, just. It's almost like you know, when we, when you, when you look across the big pond and you watch some of those, those soccer games, right, just that energy you don't get that in, then pros a couple Pre-game hype or post-game celebration Well when I was drinking alcohol.
Speaker 3:It was post-game.
Speaker 2:But I'd have to go with pre-game hype, man, especially when you're talking about big games, right, all right, homecoming game or rivalry game, rivalry game, rivalry game, homecoming is always you're playing a team that you're. You know you're gonna beat yeah so you're typically starters are done by third quarter.
Speaker 1:I have to go rivalry. All right, last one game, film or practice on the field. What's the question?
Speaker 2:like. What do you mean? Like game field or game?
Speaker 1:film, excuse me, or or on field practice. Which would you prefer? Were you a study, getting the, getting the game room?
Speaker 2:uh, practice, man. I mean, obviously, watching game film was very important, but practice, um, just doing the same thing over and over again, right, just making sure that you know.
Speaker 1:That's something that we really ingrained in us in college and then here at denver as well so walk us through just kind of your early years getting into football, and what did that look like of course.
Speaker 2:Uh, let's have some fun. Man. Um, my gosh, how it started. Uh, eight years old, living in Winsville, missouri. It's about 40 miles straight West of St Louis on highway 70. Um, you know, young, young kid, uh throwing the football with my cousin in the backyard. Nothing special, just throwing it. He catch it, throw it back. And then I ran inside and, of course, saw my dad watching TV and I obviously knew that he was watching football. I just started asking him so many questions about who are the zebra guys out there, what are they doing? Why are they throwing the yellow towels everywhere? And then to who was the blue and orange team with the horse on them and all the above? And my next question was I want to play football. And my dad was like, really? And I was like, yeah, I want to be a running back for the Broncos. And he was like, well, we got to get you started now, then. And so that was the dream, literally the Broncos running back for the Broncos.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I grew up. Uh, Charles Davis was my idol growing up. My room was a blue and orange all the way up until I left for college.
Speaker 1:Uh, absolutely manifested that, didn't you?
Speaker 2:dream come true, man. Uh, and, as we all know, right here in this room, you think you got one plan right Set in place, but there's always, of course, so that's where it started.
Speaker 1:eight years old it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, sir. Eight years old, just wanting to play a sport, right, wanting to get out there and see what I can do on the football field, and just dreamt of being a Bronco.
Speaker 1:You had such a memorable career at Wisconsin. What are some of the things that stand out to you, the highlights? I mean, there's probably tons.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the things that stand out to you, the highlights, I mean there's probably tons. Yeah, most definitely blessed man to have that opportunity to go to a wonderful university, a wonderful athletic program and played with some great guys right Russell Wilson when he came over to play with us my junior year, jj Watt, melvin Gordon, james White, a lot of these guys that did well in the National Football League, some of my closest friends still today, and so, outside of the camaraderie, some of the friendships that I built, of course, just being dominant, we were steamrolling teams.
Speaker 1:Steamrolling teams and I'll never forget it. So you get, I mean, walk us through the emotion of getting drafted and you're like, I mean the guy handing me the ball is going to be Peyton Manning. What does that? I mean, what guy handing me the ball is going to be Peyton Manning? What does that?
Speaker 2:feel like it was crazy, man, because I didn't want to go to New York for the draft, because I wanted to spend it with friends and family. Right, Because you only get a plus one there. I was like I want to spend it with my friends and family. So we were in Madison, wisconsin, just at a hotel, and I knew I wasn't going to go first round. My agent was like okay, yeah, you're not going to go first round, I don't think they're going to take a running back at all first round, but second round. Second day you got a chance. Um, it was crazy. I had my phone set up, everyone was having a good time behind me and I was just playing with the Rubik's cube, just super nervous. Then, all of a sudden, that, of course, a 303 number and it fell off the table. I picked it up and answered it and it was John Elway that was calling me and he asked me if you want to be a Bronco.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah and dream come true.
Speaker 2:You're like let me think about it, yeah, and so, of course, yeah, yeah, you're right, right, but once all that got taken care of, of course, and they announced it, obviously, at the draft.
Speaker 2:We had a good time and then, um, of course which we're going to get into it obviously I'm in recovery now, but at the time I wasn't went out to the bars, hit the streets and, uh, got this long text. Didn't know who this person was till the end of it, just looking forward to winning a championship with you, etc, etc. And at the end of it paid manning and I was like what?
Speaker 1:you saved that text right? Please tell me you got a screenshot of that, or?
Speaker 2:something. Yeah, and I was. I was like oh my gosh, peyton just texted me and I was starstruck, of course, when I met him, because I was like dude, I was playing you on a video game when I was 10.
Speaker 1:Right, right, that's awesome. So you wrote this book Nowhere to Run. Yeah, tell us a little bit about what inspired you to tell your story story in your journey.
Speaker 2:A lot of things, a lot of things you know. You don't know what you don't know. And then, for me at least, once I went through recovery myself. So to the IOP guys in here, I went through IOP, myself IOP, but once I completed IOP and therapy, actually once I just went into just individual therapy of course, after the IOP, which is obviously individual, family and group just went strictly to individual. And my therapist could tell, of course, that I was struggling really with opening up Um, and he said just just start journaling. He was like, just start to journal Um. Because he knew, of course, my background, which I'm sure a lot of us can relate to right, um, in our culture that being men, right, we don't, we don't have these types of conversations, we don't, we wear that mask proudly, unfortunately. And so he saw that I was struggling with opening up. So he said just start journaling. And before I knew it I had 80,000 words and of course I had someone edit it and do all that jazz. But it really helped me to put things to rest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right.
Speaker 2:Tell us about as much as you're willing to share, about just the alcoholism and addiction and just kind of, just kind of your journey with that. Of course I'm an open book and hopefully one thing everyone will take from today. Again, I'm not the almighty, I know everything, but don't be ashamed. Don't be ashamed. It's easier said than done, of course, but for me, I'm not ashamed of my past and people will try to make you be ashamed. It's easier said than done, of course, but for me, I'm not ashamed of my past and people will try to make you feel ashamed.
Speaker 2:But for me, my father's in recovery from alcohol, my grandfather paternal grandfather, of course, that being mine passed away, just organs failed on him from drinking, and I have an eight-year-old child, and so I'm eight years in recovery from drinking.
Speaker 2:And, um, I have an eight year old child, and so I'm eight years in recovery. Um, but for me, that bottle, that relationship, uh, really started to strengthen when I was in college, um, which was my junior year actually in college, which was my best year on the field, but it was my worst like experiences off the field. Um, alone, I felt like my relationship was getting super close to the bottle, but, um, you know everyone else was doing it, so I'm fine. Um, I don't think I have a problem. Um, and, of course, who's going to listen to the guys scoring all the touchdowns complain about his relationship with the bottle? That's what I thought, of course, and so I bottled it up and kept it all to myself. And, um, as I continue to excel, it was. I almost wish that I didn't excel the way that I did, because I would have saw the red flags earlier, as opposed to having to hit that rock bottom.
Speaker 1:Do you think some of the success kind of overshadowed some of the addiction?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. Right, we got folks in here that are dealing with a lot of other things, but it's as you're going through that realm of addiction, using some things may feel like they're going right. Yeah, as we all know, that's. That's the thing about addiction. It tricks you. It tricks you, the three headed monster that being yearning for it, being under the influence and then afterwards that hangover. It's just a nasty, vicious monster. And for me, being in the life of a college athlete student as well, just trying to balance familial pressures to external pressures, um, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about it, because I didn't feel like anybody would care, right? Um, at all. You know us men, right?
Speaker 1:we don't talk about that stuff, right, and so I struggled with it sure was the moment for you that you were like and I got a problem, yeah, like is it. Was there a specific moment where you're like, hey, I gotta, I gotta pay attention to this?
Speaker 2:um, it would have to be. There were some moments in college, of course, but I think obviously the the, the writing on the wall, of course, is when I, my cold feet, touched the jail, um, literally, I was like I don't, I don't even understand what happened here. Um, I go from being a good kid, obviously struggling with an addiction, to now. I literally just flushed everything down the drain, and so that was a wake-up call for me, absolutely, and of course, some people don't have to hit that rock bottom, but for me, obviously, in hindsight, being 20-20, I'm fortunate.
Speaker 1:Did that happen during your career, during your playing time, or was that post?
Speaker 2:That happened right after the broncos released me. I went to new england for about two months and then, and then I landed in in jail for over the weekend and watched uh, I watched the broncos win super bowl 50 when I was in jail, um, and so that was kind of like yeah, unpack that.
Speaker 1:What were your emotions around that man?
Speaker 2:yeah, um, I remember looking up and I was like okay, I get it I I understand.
Speaker 2:I mean because it was one of those situations. Like they just released me, I was upset. Of course I was hoping they had a crappy season and of course they go on to send the Patriots home. So they sent me home twice and then go on to win the Super Bowl, which they most definitely deserved. But it was something that I needed because the cellmates that were around me, of course their family, said hey, monte got arrested. And they're like, wait, that looks like him right there. And they were telling me that's supposed to be you on the television, you're supposed to be an idol to our youth. And at first I was like you know, it's a pot calling the kettle black, literally. But you're in here with me, yeah, but I understood where they were coming from. I did.
Speaker 1:I did. What was your family, what was going on in your family and the role that they played around all this stuff? Did you have support or were they?
Speaker 2:involved. They were involved, heavily involved, and so once I got out, did three days over the weekend or whatever it was my mom's got a lot of experience with this with my father, so they had me when they were 19. With this, with my father, so they had me when they were 19. And my father stopped drinking when he was 23,. But she's had a lot of experience with it, unfortunately, and so I remember she was crying and telling me I need help. I need help, that she's felt like she's lost her son and that I need to figure out what I need to do next. I need to get into treatment somewhere somehow, and so I'm fortunate to have had that family support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so they were kind of using some of that loving leverage to get you to go.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's a weird, it's a crazy story, man, how it all played out, like how my son came into my life, because I was living in Wisconsin at the time when the house of cards just came crumbling down literally and uh, once I got out of jail that weekend and you know, had pending charges, obviously had a court date, etc. Etc. Um, I got this random text from a woman here in colorado. Um, that's saying that she was seven and a half months pregnant and uh, then I was like, excuse me, oh wait what yeah?
Speaker 2:and, uh, come to find out yeah, I was the father.
Speaker 1:I am the father, um, and completely changed my life yeah, tell us a little bit about your boy, my son yeah, maverick is his name um I love that name italian, hispanic.
Speaker 2:Um, obviously african-american as well. Um, he's got a short fuse, yeah, very short fuse.
Speaker 2:Uh, I must definitely blame his mom for that. But the thing is, I can talk forever, of course, about my child, what he loves doing he's got a green thumb. But I will say to you all one thing that really helped me when I was throughout my journey, I kept, like these eight years of being in recovery, I kept saying, you know, I got sober for my son, I got sober for my son, and I still see my therapist today and he's like no, he's like you got sober for yourself first, and then everyone around. He was going to reap a healthy, happy Monte. Yeah, the guy that they remember.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does seem to start that way, though. I mean, I felt that way when I was here. I was like man, I'm doing this to get my family back. I get my family back, of course. It took me a while, through the help of the therapist, to eventually get to the place where, like no, I need to do this for me first, and then that's. You know, that'll come. You know, if you do the work Of course, of course Now.
Speaker 2:that's why I love the fact that excuse me had an opportunity to chat with a few guys over there, because, again, it's a forever journey. I'm eight years. I feel strong in my recovery but, as we all know, it can, it can, something can happen and I can feel like I need to go back to the bottle, and so I stay on top of it by still seeing my therapist. But I love hearing people's stories. I love understanding how people got here, what their goals are and what they plan on doing afterwards, because that's that's the real work. Of course is happening here, but afterwards is some of the real work too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to dive into a little bit about what you're doing now and I want you guys to be thinking through some questions for Monte too, that we could be asking them and if you're open to that, absolutely, those are great shoes, by the way, man. Do you think I could pull those off? I don't think I could $35 from Amazon.
Speaker 2:$30 pants from Amazon. Dang. $25 shirt from Amazon.
Speaker 3:I'm just hopefully they're paying and they're not paying me.
Speaker 1:This episode brought to you by Amazon. I think they're doing fine without our valiant endorsement. They don't need folks. But yes, you guys can ask me anything dude, I'm literally an open book. Well, talk a little bit about what you're doing now, because you've kind of turned the. I mean, you're full circle, Of course, of course.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, for me it's. I grew up my household, my older sister's a clinical psychologist out in Virginia doing providing therapy for military families, and so she went the psychology route. I went the sociology route and she diagnosed me with alcoholism at the dinner table when I was like 16. And I was like nah, come on. I was like nah, come on on, sis, and she was like yep and uh, but I bring that up because, uh, I wanted to.
Speaker 2:Obviously, afterwards I really struggled with that identity crisis, like I knew my time was coming to an end with Denver. Um, you, you, I knew it, um, and that's when I panicked and that's when my drinking increased and that's when I got angry, um, cause I knew that I kind of flushed it all down the drain for a bottle, you know, angry at everyone else except myself, of course. But so for me it was once I went through that identity crisis of like not knowing what other skills do I have, what else am I good at? I don't even know what I like outside of the game of football. Once I was able to work through that with my therapist, I felt like I wanted to get, I wanted to learn more about this behavioral health space. I wanted to learn more about what it is that I struggle with. I wanted to learn more like why did I go down that path?
Speaker 2:I grew up in a two-parent household. Parents are still married today. I grew up in good neighborhoods, like, why me? But, as we all know, of course it doesn't discriminate. But I just wanted to learn about all that stuff because it's not only impacted me, it's impacted some of my family members, of course, and, as we all know someone, we're all either indirectly or directly impacted by it, and so I wanted to learn, and I just started to learn as much as I can about it, and then I figured, hey, this is starting to fill my cup as I'm learning about it and as I'm helping other people, and so it's just been a beautiful journey of you know, turning those lights off.
Speaker 1:You're a recovery coach now? I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am Sorry, I didn't, didn't even know the answer but I am a recovery coach now I see, I see some guys and gals nowadays but who who needs some help, and also clinical outreach manager as well for a facility. And so, again, it's still this journey of learning, because I eventually obviously want to start my own.
Speaker 1:All right, and so it's close to my heart. Breaking news on the Valiant Living podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's close to my heart, man.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. I want to go back to something you said a minute ago because I relate to it. I think a lot of guys will relate to it. A lot of guys will relate to it. Um, a lot of a lot of us guys find ourselves here at valiant, um and I want to be careful how I say this, but I think you guys will know what I mean where, in a lot of ways, we've reached success externally in our fields.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a lot of external success. There's a lot of hey, we're kind of killing it externally, but then our inner worlds are kind of not kind of they start falling apart and there's addiction and all these different things. You, obviously, at the highest level, reached the pinnacle. I mean, as a kid, if I could just be a running back for the Broncos and you reach that point and on the outside, you think, well, why do you have problems? Man, you did it and you you mentioned identity. Speak to that. Speak to like how, how does that happen for us, where you know we reach our goals, we're doing the stuff, we're crushing it, we're killing it, we're making money, we're doing the thing, but we're still not finding them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, brilliant question. I mean, so many things go into it, obviously your upbringing, etc. Etc. But I think, of course, right, we we talking about men, talking about our circles, talking about the locker rooms we've been in and out of right that is just not something that is in our culture, where we want to lean on the guys next to us and cry, celebrate successes, et cetera, outside of sports. We don't create those spaces to be like, hey man, how are things going on at home? Like, be real with me, huh. And so I think it's important, of course, for us to continue to create those spaces.
Speaker 2:But for me, that identity crisis that came about because that's all I knew.
Speaker 2:I knew that I knew how to engage with my guy friends just in that avenue, just with that face on that mask, as opposed to really opening up and peeling back the layers to figure out what's going on. And so I know for a fact that there are guys in here right now that struggled with that identity crisis, that being myself, and I know that there's guys and gals outside this room that's struggling with it as well. And so I love the fact that we talk about this stuff because it's To make this relatable. Of course you don't have to relate to the NFL guy that played with paid manning etc. We all had a job, we all have jobs, we all worked at jobs for a very long time. People get laid off, people get fired and they deal with that crisis. And so, to me, what I was able to learn was that, no matter when things are going great, you still can be susceptible to a substance, and I did a whole big circle right there of getting to the answer, but that's just how it felt.
Speaker 1:It's helpful to hear because I think it wasn't for me until I got into rooms here at Valiant and there was that rigorous honesty and openness and we started actually hearing guys open up and confess to things and then realizing how much I needed that connection in my life to to begin the healing journey.
Speaker 1:And I laugh because it's like sometimes it ruins you for the work, like when I left Valiant I was saying the most awkward stuff to people. You know, it's like we're in the grocery store how are you doing? And I'm like way oversharing. I'm like I don't know. I've been in the room with guys for the last 90 days talking about all kinds of stuff you know. So you almost have to learn how to re-engage with the, with the world again. But it becomes a critical part I mean a big part of alumni for us and why we want to continue to grow this program is we need to stay connected at that level. We need to have an environment that's safe to come seriously.
Speaker 2:I mean, I mean as cliche as it sounds, we all know it's true I mean the, the, and I hate the way that it's phrased, but I'm just going to say it for lack of better words. Right, the opposite of addiction is connection, right, like we lack connection. I lacked real, true connection when I was struggling. Right, I had everything that I needed in the world, right?
Speaker 3:But I didn't have those real friends.
Speaker 2:I didn't have those genuine people around me, how the people who were around me um were around me just because what I provided, yeah and see from the outside I would think locker room, camaraderie, brotherhood, all that stuff it's. Is it just different? It's different. College is different. Um, because of course, you're with these guys, right, your roommates with some, uh, you know, it was difficult for me to to relate toton Manning, right, I was 22 at the time, he was 34, whatever it was. And so, regardless of that, it's again that connection.
Speaker 2:We can't do this alone at all, and sometimes I get it. You don't want to come here, you don't want to be in some of these groups, but I'm telling you, you get a lot from this stuff, you. You get a lot from a lot of tools that you gain from this, and one of the most important tools, in my opinion, is that connection. Some of these guys right here you're going to be leaning on in 10 years, 20 years from now, for sure, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So what are some of the other challenges you're seeing in the work you're doing specifically in men and addiction?
Speaker 2:thirties, forties, fifties, in 30s, 40s, 50s. Is there any other themes or things that are coming up that you're working in? Yeah, um, and I can even speak for myself on this um, struggling with, again, it kind of falls under that identity umbrella like where do I fit in? Like, what do I provide? Like men? Of course, unfortunately, we think we have to bring in six figures. We gotta, you know, feed the family, which of course you do, but we have to be this just macho guy and just finding out who you are and where you fit in and what type of family that you want.
Speaker 2:I see that all the time when we're talking to guys whether I'm in my field or whether I'm just talking to guys that I was friends with back in college, just struggling with what it is that they can do and where they fit in in society outside of their job, outside of their sport, outside of whatever it is, and so, again, I I harp back on that connection and harp back on that, creating those spaces for men to talk and then to lean on each other, and so, yeah, like stuff like this, and it's I wanted to share this at the beginning, man, it's, it's an honor, it's an honor to to be here. Um, I really mean that it's an honor. It's an honor to be here. I really mean that it's an honor. It means a lot to me because I remember my first day, I remember my second week, third week and I remember my last day in IOP, and I know exactly how everyone's feeling. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you have shown just in this whole process and you know, dan and Melissa connected us and we started talking just in this whole process and you know, dan and melissa connected us and we started talking and you've shown such humility and kindness to valiant, to us, and and just your heart to help and serve. And I'm curious now and this is this might be a tough question- for you, but I'm gonna throw it at you like looking back at your life right.
Speaker 1:Obviously at eight years old, you define success as running back for the Broncos. Is that still your definition of success, or where you're at today? How do you define what is success?
Speaker 2:for Monte? That is such a good question. Of course, the game of football, the sport, is most definitely not anymore a success. I mean, it was a success, of course, but it's not anything that I try to hang my hat on now. I'm more proud of myself, obviously with the help of my family and treatment, but more proud of myself for continuing to go down this path. And so, for me, success is how many people can I help? Really, that's really what it is. How many people can I help? I'm not doing this to save face, in a sense, not at all. I'm doing this because why wouldn't I? Um? And so my success is helping women.
Speaker 2:my success is helping men find the right path for them because there are a million ways up that hill, but my success is helping them find that right path so they can get to where they need to get to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's amazing. Uh, speak now to, like you were talking earlier about opening up and vulnerability. What kind of encouragement or advice would you give a group of predominantly men here when it comes to that? And it's kind of preaching the choir because these guys are here doing the work and opening up and whatever, but at the same time, I think there's still depths and layers of vulnerability. We can go and openness, but what kind of advice would you give us on?
Speaker 2:that absolutely and, of course, right, it's always easier said than done. I struggled with it for a while, um, with my therapist, before I actually really opened up. But, um, my advice, man, is is don't be afraid. Don't be afraid, you would be surprised on how many people around you are struggling, that don't seem like they are struggling and and that's the message, right? Um, we all see the data, of course. Um, that's coming from cdc, etc. It's, it's alarming.
Speaker 2:And so open up, share, dig deep, figure out, of course, the first time, first couple of times, what it is you want to share and dig deep into that. Because, for me, I was completely oblivious to the entire therapeutic process. Um, as I stepped foot through that door, I thought we were going to talk about my relationship with the game of football, you know, because I kind of had one foot in the door, one foot out, not really knowing what it is that I want to do. But 95% of our conversations revolved around my relations relationships with my family, with my friends, past relationships, et cetera. And so, with my friends, past relationships, etc. And so dig deep, dig deep and figure out what the reason is that you're using or that you were using, and and just dive headfirst into that. I promise you, I promise you, it's gonna feel great. That's great advice promise.
Speaker 1:Um, so if we could get practical just for a second, and then I, then I want to open it up, because I want you guys to, because this is really good stuff and I want to hear what they have to say honestly um, but as they're getting ready, you know, I know like as an athlete, accountability, structure, discipline, all that there's other great athletes in this room that understand that kind of thing. I'm more like the uncle rico, like back in 82. You should see me play ball in high school that was amazing um, now I can't even make up the stairs.
Speaker 1:I have to take the elevator but talk get practical with us now about what is that? What is that training, the sobriety training? How did how did that and how does that cross over into your daily life? I got you. I got you, yeah. That's a little clunky question, but you picked it up, I love the question?
Speaker 2:I think, because I think about that all the time, do you Some of the things that I learned from the game of football and how it translates to recovery, many things to the athletes in the room? You understand it? Right? That? Just perseverance, right? I mean, we all have had those moments. If we're not experiencing them now, we've had, where you feel so beat up, right, you feel exhausted, beat up, drained, but you still got to show up, you still got to do the work, you still got to fill your cup.
Speaker 2:And so, for me, some of the things that translated was do the work. There are no excuses, which is one of the reasons why I'm not ashamed of my past is because when I had my mistakes, I owned them immediately. I knew that I made a mistake. Um, something that translated over from the game of football, where you don't point the finger at anyone else, you're in control of your actions, take ownership, take ownership and and and do the take the right steps to, to right steps to get on the path of treatment and better yourself.
Speaker 2:And so, for me, a lot of things translated over from the coaches. Of course, they were screaming all the time, but, again, just ingrained in me to work hard, to train, to do the work, to shut your mouth, don't complain, show up, show up, and if you do those steps you'll get what you need to get out of it. Obviously, all of that doesn't translate over to the recovery world, but some of it does that whole shutting up and do the work. It's good to cry, it's good to let all that stuff out. It's good to have bad days as well, too, when you are showing up, and so that's really good man, Really helpful.
Speaker 2:Absolutely man.
Speaker 1:All right guys, hit them with your best shot, let's do it, what do? You got Ask away yeah, go ahead. How important was faith or?
Speaker 3:spiritual.
Speaker 2:Great question. I love that question. My therapist, corey, is his guy. Corey is his name, he's my guy. He's more spiritual. Going into therapy, I grew up in Missouri. Um, you know, we faith, of course, a believer in a higher power, um, but as I went through therapy and and really just got close to that spiritual aspect of it, um, I'll say yes, I still believe in a higher power, of course, but, um, I love the fact that I like to put the control with myself, right Of of showing up, doing the work and repeating that and so so, uh, hopefully that answers your question. I do believe in a higher power, absolutely, um, because I do like to lean on that sometimes when I don't have the answers. But there was a transition that happened. Big Ten guy here, monty, yeah, iowa Dude, I was so close to going to Iowa I took more official visits to Iowa than Wisconsin. I asked you, kent Randall, a couple times who do you hate playing the?
Speaker 1:most in the Big Ten? I love that question. Question for someone listening. Who do you hate playing the most in the Big Ten? I love that question. Question for someone listening. Who do you hate playing the most in the Big Ten?
Speaker 2:I love playing. I hated playing the Buckeyes. Man Gosh Dude, I beat them one time.
Speaker 1:Well, we beat them, my sophomore year Casually just said we beat them, not we played them, but we beat them when you guys were ranked number one in the country and we beat them.
Speaker 2:When you guys were ranked number one in the country and we got you, we got you and we got you.
Speaker 1:He said you guys, like Coach was playing, yeah, yeah, yeah, wouldn't you guys I'd have to say the Buckeyes man, really no team that I hated playing.
Speaker 2:I mean I hated going to Iowa City because it stinks, but like literally. But a lot of respect for the program, of course. I literally almost went there Buckeyes.
Speaker 3:Buckeyes man, they're the worst.
Speaker 2:Gosh, they're just some cheaters, man. They were paying players before. They were paying players before the nil deals. No, the phenomenal program. Of course I'm just still a little senior game. I fumbled on the goal line. Ryan Shazier, I still have nightmares, did you really?
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, wow, you still doing work around that.
Speaker 2:I think I'm going to throw my name back in the hat.
Speaker 3:We're going to see.
Speaker 1:Monte here at PHP and Valiant over the fumble.
Speaker 2:What other questions we got, fellas, Sorry, I'm burning up. I'm like man. Is it pretty hot in here? No, I'm burning up, I'm like this is my. Is it pretty hot in here? What are the questions? Fire them away, or I can throw out some things the Players Association has nowadays it's all the plays.
Speaker 3:You hear about players going into player protocols for X, y and Z. Is that a thing back in?
Speaker 2:2015? Where does it come in from now? That's a good question, man. Yeah, the NFLPA, I'd say. Obviously, with time, they and I think, of course, when we talk about society as well now, right after Kevin Love did his whole thing, there's been this big boom of folks wanting to open up and talk about mental health and so, yes, they had things before, but they have things better now. Um, so we're fortunate to have some. They'll send us to treatment, um, they will do some things for us, Um, and I think now I'm pretty sure every single team has a psychologist um part of their team now, which I think went into effect maybe four years ago.
Speaker 2:better late than never, but God gosh you don't think that some of these guys and, of course, when even women's sports as well need, need, yeah, needs a med management or some?
Speaker 1:for sure you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, or some something like so, so yes there there are some programs for sure. When I got into recovery, you talk about recovery being like an onion. You're just sort of starting to find out about yourself. What did you find out about yourself that you didn't want to require?
Speaker 2:I like that Social anxiety. I have very Social anxiety. I have very bad social anxiety. Really it's very bad I mean no, no no, I take zero offense.
Speaker 2:It was, which is why we used to drink so much. Like I was the type where I never would drink alone, never cared for the taste of alcohol, but, um, when it was time to go out or time to do anything that involved cameras, fans, whatever that is, I would crank out like six or seven shots just to kind of loosen myself up. Then I'd feel fine. Um, and so I learned that I struggled a lot with social anxiety. I'm on anxiety meds, now Um and now um, and I'm also bipolar as well, which which came about too, and so I was like, ah well, my dad's bipolar.
Speaker 2:So I was like, ah, and there it is. And so again, learning a lot about myself, obviously understanding the at times when the, the inability to control my emotions, yeah, again not making any excuses, but, as we all know, right, it's, it's. I was chemically wired in a different way, totally.
Speaker 1:Well, there's a difference in reasons and excuses. Right, there's reasons.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's no excuse, yeah, for sure. So great question, that is a great question. And again it just goes back to just go through this process of wanting to learn about who you are. Man, I mean, gosh, that's so much of it. So much of it. Did you have your? I did?
Speaker 3:Thank you. You mentioned that what you're doing right now gives you great joy, pleasure, helping others. How do you define success in what you do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3:Many of us are employed and we hang out with these guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, obviously, in this space, success could be many different things, but the low-hanging fruit is success is how many people can you help, how many people can you get back on track, right, um, because obviously it's all we we fell off that track, um, including myself, right. And then, how many can we help to get back on? Um? For me, a story that I would love to share, of course, a gentleman that I helped, uh, he, he, he was.
Speaker 2:He was struggling with how to open up to his family about what it is that he was struggling with, because, as we all know, right, that familial pressure, right, it's, those conversations are so emotionally packed, right, when you're having those tough conversations with mom, dad, sister, brother, wife, husband, whatever it may be. And so he really struggled with opening up to his family about where he's been, what he's doing, and that's what he would doing and, um, that's what he would always talk with me about, um, and I was able to, of course, literally help him break bread with his family and completely changed his life, because he was under the impression, of course, that his family would be super judgmental about it, for the right reasons. He knows them better than I do. He's got his experiences, um, but surprisingly enough, uh, and fortunately enough, and fortunately enough, they were yeah they were quite receptive to what he was sharing and wanted to support him, and so it's.
Speaker 2:It's. More times than not, we tend to dwell on, or rather fill our minds with, the worst possible outcomes.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, um well, I love that too, because I think there's so much success in the small wins. I know in my schema, entitlement and grandiosity, all that's in there, right, and so to me it's not a win unless it's massive, a huge in public, but, as you're describing, I'm like that's so cool, man. The small wins is, you know, showing up for your family and being with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, celebrating day-to-day sobriety, all that stuff it is, and that's why it's it's I, uh, I, I, I really love doing this stuff, man, because, um, literally, as I explained earlier, I know that my dad is still he's, he's in recovery and he's doing well, but I, I know what he's thinking, right, um, I know that my grandfather didn't make it to cousins, but outside of that, I know some like guys here, or some of my close friends, it's. Every single person is either indirectly or directly impacted by it, and so it's it doesn't feel like a job to me, like why wouldn't I do this, right? Why wouldn't I do this? I love it.
Speaker 2:And so, coach, so eight years in, what does your recovery program look like today? Brilliant, brilliant. I still see my guy today, my therapist, and so again, I know that there's a million ways up the hill, but after IOP I just stuck with him because for him, a little bit about him. He's open, of course, but his drug of choice was cocaine and he was a guitarist. He would open up for, like Metallica a few times, two rings of that lifestyle, of course, right, and I was like I understand where it's just all that comes with that, and so we got that connection. So for me it's it's.
Speaker 2:I see my therapist, um, obviously not as much anymore. I said that now, maybe once, maybe twice a month, um, but outside of that, um, I love meditating is huge for me. Obviously, my child takes up a lot of my time, but, uh, and in service and and service service man, um, really fills my cup and helps me to to walk the walk, right, um, there's always room for improvement. There's never a moment in in throughout my eight years where I felt like, okay, I got this, I'm good, I don't need any more help because it's unfortunately. I know it's just right around the corner where I I'll get that urge and I need that toolbox right To combat that. That's good.
Speaker 3:Let's just for example what's up. Say that your career went 15 years and you're in the NFL Hall of Fame. Do you think that you would still have an issue or do you think that that success or level of success would have?
Speaker 2:fulfilled you? Yeah, that's a really good question. Absolutely, but pretty straightforward answer. I would have spiraled out even worse either be dead or in prison. Absolutely One or the other.
Speaker 2:Because again, there were moments in college when I was having that success but I also knew like, hey, I'm giving this bottle a little bit too much attention. But again, that success inflated my ego. I would have that thought for a second. Then I was like, ah no, I'm good. I'm good, I'm still. I'm accomplishing my dream of getting drafted by the Broncos. I don't have a problem mom and dad. And so if I was to go on for 15 years which that was my dream I thought that was going to be the case. If that was to happen, it would have been bad way worse than what it already was. So I'm almost it's one of those things where it's. I'm sad, of course, how the situation happened. It didn't need to happen that way in order for me to get back on track, but something had to happen in order for me to open my eyes and be like oh yeah, you're not the same person when you're under the influence. You're a dick.
Speaker 3:Excuse my language.
Speaker 2:That's the other way to put it, you are not a good person. So really good question.
Speaker 3:Brady, I kind of got a two-part question. Would you agree with the statement that your life as a sober civilian is better than an alcoholic NFL player?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. How would you explain that to my 11-year-old son? All right, you don't want to say it? Yes, I do, yes I do, and hopefully I got the right answer to that.
Speaker 1:For me, it's for people listening that didn't hear a sober civilian versus being how'd you say it? Brady?
Speaker 2:an alcoholic NFL player, which was better, yeah, so, so sober civilian, of course. Um, more specifically, because of what I am doing while being sober, of of being of service to those who need help. But, uh, but, man, I, I, I. I say sober civilian as well, because sports end, that door closes. It's not forever Now. The sober civilian side is forever and I have the opportunity to continuously help people, and so I always think about similar questions like that because, uh, when I'm looking down at my funeral, you know I want for people to be there, a majority of the folks to be there that I've helped, as opposed to those that were just cheering because I wore a W or a Bronco.
Speaker 1:So, it's, it's tough man. That's a great question, brady, and it's like for some people just have to experience it to find out. It's true, because there's so many people on the other side who's like well let me see for myself. But I totally get what you're saying, yeah.
Speaker 2:Now, trust me, of course, do I have nights where I'm like gosh man, I could be up there, maybe a gold jacket, of course, of course. But, as I mentioned earlier in this interview, where it's we? We all have a plan right, we think that we're going to go in one direction and then, all of a sudden, we get this tap on the shoulder, these trials and tribulations, and we have to deal with them, and then, all of a sudden, you're on a better track, you're on a different track, and and things, things come about super cliche but like it is, especially, I think, in america but what we're?
Speaker 1:we're so caught up in what we do and then we just you know I know I was that way for sure and so part of what we do here is rediscover who we are and who you know outside of what we do. And it's really encouraging to hear someone like yourself and your story and kind of how you battled through and process and how you're giving back and helping and man just experiencing your humility as a real deal man. It's it back and helping and man just experiencing your humility as a real deal. Man, it's, it's, it's, you said, it's honor, it's honor for us to have you here and I don't know if you guys probably don't know this, I hope I'm okay to say but he's just here investing in us out of the goodness of his heart because he loves doing what he does. So, man, we're, we're so grateful.
Speaker 3:Any other questions?
Speaker 1:we. I don't want to leave anything anybody out. If there's any other questions, okay, oh yeah, we've got a few more Great, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have all day. Are you good? Okay, I live right at the street. I appreciate you doing this. Yeah, I'm sure a lot of us that played sports.
Speaker 3:Growing up had the same dreams as you and obviously went different directions.
Speaker 2:But seriously, when you play Madden I'm not a fan of madden. I think when it comes to sports games, that's the bottom of the barrel. Whoa hot take nhl chel, dude chel, I think translates the best. I think it's from actual, real, as if I, as if I played in right but feels more real in my opinion.
Speaker 2:It's, it's it, yeah, but it feels more real in my opinion. It's NHL, then it's FIFA, then I'll play a little Madden. But to your question, no, you got to go all Madden man, you got to go all Madden. Panthers, guys, panthers, oh you're talking about oh, no, well, yeah, well, blues, of course, growing up in St Louis, but mainly Blackhawks, I didn't care too much for the Blues. Blackhawks, bruins are the two teams that I'll pick. Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 1:There's a couple more.
Speaker 2:John, what's up, man? My question, I guess, is you know, eight years of recovery, living day to day, is there anything that's like you still struggle with? Kind of not on that yet. Is there anything that you still struggle with? Yeah, Of course I love that question. It's an opportunity to be vulnerable. You know, of course I'm not ashamed of my past. That's a fact but of course there are still times where I'm like, gosh, that was a bonehead mistake, wow, like that was a bonehead mistake, like wow. And so at times I still struggle with just causing trauma for someone else. You know what I mean and so that's always something that will live with me forever. But thanks to therapy, of course, and everything that I have in place to help me keep going has been great, but I still at times struggle with that.
Speaker 1:Is that the shame? So I relate to that because I feel like the further I get in my sobriety, it's almost the more I wake up to how much trauma I've caused. I almost feel more sorrow now than I did when in the discovery phase, because I'm becoming more sober minded and I'm like gosh and it can take me down shame rabbit holes so fast. I would think it would get better, but it almost I'm almost getting worse in that category, absolutely, is that?
Speaker 2:what you're talking about. Uh, yes, sir man, you nailed it right there where it's. The further I get away from, or whatever the the drunk monte right, the more I'm like a why did I have to go that route to get to where I'm at here? But again, with therapy and I'm sure you all are hearing this right now throughout the program, where dwelling on the past is nothing for you, obviously easier said than done. But again, you need those tools to help you get over those hurdles, and so I still struggle with that at times. I do, I do.
Speaker 3:First of all, I really enjoyed hearing your story and just having you share. You mentioned that the Players Association is a little bit more on top of this. They have psychologists maybe in every team. Do they have a passive perspective about that? Are they just kind of waiting for players, or are they actually really going after and trying to identify kids that are struggling before they get?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a really good question. I would say more passive though, unfortunately, because it's still taboo, it's still we don't want to talk about that. We don't really want to allocate too many funds in that direction because, of course, they have the ability of just dropping a guy, like we'll just get you off the team, of course, which is obviously not the best route to go. But I have an example, and so there are moments at Wisconsin where I've been trying to do some things, obviously with the athletic program at Wisconsin. But I would always have a special place. I love Wisconsin, I always love Wisconsin. But we had some tough conversations.
Speaker 2:I tried to start some programs there when I was still there, but it was. You know, our guys and gals don't have any problems. Our student athletes are doing just fine. Again, we don't need to allocate or reallocate some of the funds in that direction, and so it's, in a sense, a lot of these programs unfortunately don't want to highlight that because they don't want that to be the spotlight, which is such a poor way to think about it in my opinion, because we all need help in some way, some fashion. And so to your question yeah, it's passive. I was fortunate enough to my running backs coach, who's now the running backs coach for Miami. There was one moment he pulled me to the side because he could smell it on me and he asked me if I need any help and I told him no, I got it under control. And so there were moments in my life where I had some of the guys coaches try to help me, but I was doing what everybody else was doing but not understanding how it was impacting me compared to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah what percentage of your teammates are also struggling. Oh man, I would go as high as for sure. A third, 100% of like that's not going to make any sense. But I'm. I would go as high as for sure. A third, 100%. That's not going to make any sense. But.
Speaker 2:I'm a 33% for sure of that football team I know for a fact I'd bet my bottom dollar on it, struggling with something mainly pills, of course just because it's accessible. Right, my back is hurting, here's a painkiller. And I would say then upwards to two-thirds, so that other third would be guys that were seeing people for help. And then of course the other third was just chilling and just in their active use and being fine. But we're not being fine, wrong word. But again I would say a third. Back to the original question. A third for sure, I know it, and unfortunately some of those guys, um, are not doing too well right now.
Speaker 1:I think we have one more question and we'll wrap. Oh, we got one over here, yep.
Speaker 2:Did I? Yes, I did.
Speaker 1:Um.
Speaker 2:I did. And so, and that was kind of when I forgot to what was you? The faith question? It was you, and that's kind of when that transition happened, although I again, I'm still a believer in the higher power. But I learned a lot throughout the 12 steps. I learned a lot about those group sessions. I learned a lot just of where I want to align myself with my higher power and so but, I, did. Yes, I did. I think without that I wouldn't be where I'm at today. That helped to build that foundation.
Speaker 3:That's great, bryce, uh. So in your eight years of sobriety, you know what moments was it really hard to stay sober yeah, what did you do to stay on track?
Speaker 2:yeah, I mean one thing with me. Like I said, I'm always going to be honest, open. For me, I struggled early on because I was bored. Um, I was bored. I mean, I was like gosh, I can't go. And this was in my head, of course. I was like I can't go to a 5 pm happy hour like business cocktail attire because I'm not going to have fun. I can't drink was always in my head. I can't go to XYZ because I don't think I'm going to have fun. And so, for me, I really struggled early on with just boredom of trying to experience life or experience some of those activities that I did before while being sober I really struggled with.
Speaker 2:But what helped me, of course, is not wanting to go back down that path. For me, it was just to be straight out to go back down that path. For me, it was just to be straight out. For me, it's if I am to go back to the bottle, then I'm not a different person. Right, for me, that's what I tell myself every single day If I go back to the bottle, then I'm not a different person than the person that was a POS. And so that really helped me, which I gained from my therapist, which I gained throughout IOP, is to do it for yourself, because you deserve it more than anybody else.
Speaker 1:Guys, let's give it up for Monte.
Speaker 1:It was awesome, Thank you man Well we appreciate you listening to this episode of the Valiant Living podcast, and our hope is that it helped you feel educated, encouraged and even empowered on your journey towards peace and freedom. If we can serve you or your loved one in any way, we'd love to have a conversation with you. You can call 720-756-7941 or email admissions at valiantlivingcom. At Valiant Living, we treat the whole person so you not only survive, but you thrive in the life you deserve. And finally, if this episode has been helpful to you, it would mean a lot to us if you'd subscribe and even share it with your friends and family. You can also follow along with us on Instagram and Facebook by simply searching Valiant Living. Thanks again for listening and supporting the Valiant Living podcast. We'll see you.
